Profound Regret
Yesterday was sunday. And like all Sunday's I went to church in the morning. Recently we have been more of a house church in that we meet at one guys place for sundays. There is usually half a dozen of us anyway, so it's nice. Anyway, after church one of the things that we do is go to lunch somewhere (or make it, or order it in). This day we tried something new, and went to a restaurant near my place. It was nice. A person from out of town was here (she's from Calgary, and here for a funeral). So we took her out.
I went home after that and just relaxed and watched some David Chappelle on rented DVD. Did that for a while. Watched T.V., eat... just generally chilled out. I didn't really bother to check my email. Well, in the middle of a new Simpson's episode, during the commercial break, I thought to check my email. My heart nearly broke.
You see, a very close and good friend of mine was having her Baccalaureate and Graduands Service at 3pm that day. I checked my email at 8:10pm or so. (for the uninitiated apparently a "Graduands" Service is a pre-graduation graduation ceremony. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but I know it had to do with her (my friend) finally finishing her degree. It's a long story, but she took a break from her undergrad for awhile. She came back, and the last couple of years she has been full time finishing up. Since I am a night owl, and work in a Sleep Clinic I have spend many a night studying late at night in the library with her (one U of T library is open 24/7). Anyway, I feel very much a part of her studies. And since her real graduation ceremony will likely be full (they usually only hand out two tickets per graduate due to space restrictions, more if one is luckly), and even if it isn't, she has family to consider.... that means I wont be able to see her then. Which is why I was looking forward to this.
It's so difficult when you know you screwed up, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it up. This would have been her only, ever, once in a lifetime, can't be missed graduands service.... and I missed it. Since no one else was going to be there, there are no pictures. I was supposed to take them. Even if she forgave me (and she did) it still can't be made back. Nothing I can do or say will in anyway undo it. Nothing.
Having talked with her a lot, sweated, bled, cried (metaphorically... although last night I wished it was literally) with her, there was nothing else in the past while that I would rather have gone to. And because I simply didn't make the effort to make sure I didn't forget, putting a reminder, etc. I missed the thing I most wanted to go to. But even more than myself, is that I couldn't be there to show support.
To add some perspective, I realize it's not the end of the world. It's not the unpardonable sin, or unspeakably evil or anything. But how could I have been so careless?
The saving grace is what she said to me on gmail chat "I know that you care about me and that you wanted to be there, and you are always going out of your way for me."
Knowing she wasn't bitterly angry, or even angry made it much easier to handle the mistake. I just thank God for his grace in all situations.
I just hope that something good comes out of this. That it serves some purpose great than the moment.
The Sad Author
I went home after that and just relaxed and watched some David Chappelle on rented DVD. Did that for a while. Watched T.V., eat... just generally chilled out. I didn't really bother to check my email. Well, in the middle of a new Simpson's episode, during the commercial break, I thought to check my email. My heart nearly broke.
You see, a very close and good friend of mine was having her Baccalaureate and Graduands Service at 3pm that day. I checked my email at 8:10pm or so. (for the uninitiated apparently a "Graduands" Service is a pre-graduation graduation ceremony. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but I know it had to do with her (my friend) finally finishing her degree. It's a long story, but she took a break from her undergrad for awhile. She came back, and the last couple of years she has been full time finishing up. Since I am a night owl, and work in a Sleep Clinic I have spend many a night studying late at night in the library with her (one U of T library is open 24/7). Anyway, I feel very much a part of her studies. And since her real graduation ceremony will likely be full (they usually only hand out two tickets per graduate due to space restrictions, more if one is luckly), and even if it isn't, she has family to consider.... that means I wont be able to see her then. Which is why I was looking forward to this.
It's so difficult when you know you screwed up, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it up. This would have been her only, ever, once in a lifetime, can't be missed graduands service.... and I missed it. Since no one else was going to be there, there are no pictures. I was supposed to take them. Even if she forgave me (and she did) it still can't be made back. Nothing I can do or say will in anyway undo it. Nothing.
Having talked with her a lot, sweated, bled, cried (metaphorically... although last night I wished it was literally) with her, there was nothing else in the past while that I would rather have gone to. And because I simply didn't make the effort to make sure I didn't forget, putting a reminder, etc. I missed the thing I most wanted to go to. But even more than myself, is that I couldn't be there to show support.
To add some perspective, I realize it's not the end of the world. It's not the unpardonable sin, or unspeakably evil or anything. But how could I have been so careless?
The saving grace is what she said to me on gmail chat "I know that you care about me and that you wanted to be there, and you are always going out of your way for me."
Knowing she wasn't bitterly angry, or even angry made it much easier to handle the mistake. I just thank God for his grace in all situations.
I just hope that something good comes out of this. That it serves some purpose great than the moment.
The Sad Author
posted by Selam at 3:32 p.m.
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